


Neighbor

by 123Brooksie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, idfk, psychotic, something you probably don't want to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:54:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/123Brooksie/pseuds/123Brooksie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi recalls how he fell in love with Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was a sweeter smell in the air that day, the day when the teenager moved in next door. Looking back to that day, it was the first official day of autumn wasn't it?

A small tornado of leaves blew around my feet as I walked to my door. The colors were brown and orange as I recall. That smell, the freshest scent filled my nostrils. The smell of Petra's cooking blew freely from my open window, the smell of rain from last night's storm, and the smell of the boy sitting on his porch next door, they were the everyday smells.

That's right, in that place I lived, there was a storm every night and everyday when I got home from work my new next door neighbor would be sitting on his porch and he'd greet me.

"Hello neighbor." He said that day. I waved back in response.

In his hands he clutched a batch of dead leaves and I could swear I saw a tear roll down his cheek. At the time I chose to just ignore it. I smirked his way kindly then entered my house.

These same events happened for the rest of fall and it seems that when Petra left my house, she took autumn with her. The days grew colder and colder but that didn't stop the teenager next door from waiting on his porch and being there when I came back from work. In the fall he'd watch the leaves fall in the mild, growing cold, air. In winter he'd watch the snowflakes, all in their different shapes, fall to the ground. He seemed deep in thought, rocking back and forth in that chair of his. It made me wonder about him.

At night I would hear his screams and the burly voice of an older man would be shouting at him. None of that is my business so everyday I'd simply wave back to him when I returned from work. I could've asked him how he was doing, I should've asked him how he was doing.

When the sun rose one morning, it's light shining directly into my face waking me, I realized my bedroom window was perfectly aligned with my neighbor's kitchen window. I rolled out of bed and stared inside of his house. The living room was connected to his kitchen. All the ways in his house looked brand new despite his house being the oldest on the block. Did they always look that way?

He walked into his kitchen only wearing boxers and my eyes surveyed his bruised skin. He was shivering that morning and I was wondering if it was because of the temperature or something else. He looked so gentle as his slender fingers wrapped around the handle of his refrigerator. He briefly looked inside before pulling out a jug of milk and drinking from it. He lightly twisted the cap back on and returned it. He then sat down at the table and buried his face in his hands.

When his father walked into the room he smiled nervously and his father sat across from him. They seemed to be having a pretty deep conversation.

Eren didn't notice these windows until a week after I had. It was the coldest night all winter and all through the night I heard yelling and banging coming from his house.

I sat up in my bed when Eren turned on his kitchen light and I looked into his house. He sat down in a chair by the window and stared at something outside until his eyes shifted to me. I remember jumping a little. I felt weird because he had caught me watching him. I wanted to say something to justify my prying but he proved it unnecessary. He didn't look mad or offended. He looked at me innocently, like a little dog and he smiled. I smirked back in response, the atmosphere already dreadfully awkward. He waved at me and I nodded, layed back down, and fell asleep.

For about a week it was literally the same thing. I clean a bit at home, go to work, come back home and on my way inside I wave to Eren, go to sleep just to be woke in the middle of the night by yelling and bumping walls next door, then finishing my night, I'd stare into Eren's tired eyes. Everyday they seem more and more tired but the smile is always there, that plastic smile that I didn't appreciate back then....

One night the noises were too loud, the banging on the walls excessive. I waited by my window, waiting for Eren to come to it but he never did... 

I didn't see him after work the next day either. I was so worried. Where was he? I mean I knew what was going on in that house of his but I didn't know what to do about it. It's child abuse I don't know to what extent but it was definitely physical. Sexual? Probably. That day I didn't see him, I thought the absolute worst. I thought about those bruises I saw all over his body that one time he drank from the milk jug in the kitchen.  
Who could possibly hurt another living thing like that? What a disgusting human being-

I was no better, was I? The bystander is just as guilty as the oppressor. Maybe I could tell someone. No I couldn't.

I forgot about all my thoughts about telling someone. There I was, a thirty-five year old salesmen worrying about trivial things. Trivial... That's what I thought at that time. Yes, I was thinking "I have no right to step in."

That was my excuse. That was good enough for me.

Still today I wonder if he was gone or just inside of the house that day. He was always out there though. I wondered what was wrong with him.

I was more relieved than I thought I would be when I saw him on the porch the next afternoon. He was forming the perfect snowball with his bare hands. His tan skin in contrast to the white snow, it mixed quite well.

That sweet air, I inhaled it and walked towards my house. I turn my head taking in all the sights of winter. The prestine white snow, the dead trees beautiful even in death... Yes I remember this day all too well.

I was waiting for him to greet me but he didn't even look up from his snow ball. I even stomped to my door, my feet making as much natural noise as possible to get his attention, to let him know that I'm home. One of my gloved hands reached for my doorknob and I thought long and hard. It was pretty clear to me that if I didn't say anything I wouldn't hear his voice again today. I had a choice to make. I look up to the sky, sighing deeply. A flock of birds in v-formation fly over my head. They are returning in preparation for spring. The fact that I live in such a place, a place with four seasons, each with their own themes, such a thing is often overlooked. Unappreciated. Not spared a second thought. I was quite lucky back in those days though wasn't I?

Winter was the time, where Eren wore a coat and sat on his rocking chair playing with snow or his eyes chasing falling snowflakes. Autumn was the time Eren caressed the fallen leaves and crumpled them tightly in his hands when he caught a tough emotion, sitting in his rocking chair with a small jacket on. I wonder what type of thing he'll do in the spring. What will his clothes look like? What about summer?

I release my doorknob and walk towards Eren's house. He jumps when I quickly run up the four stairs.

"Huh?" He said in the cutest little voice.

"I uh... Here." I said wiggling my fingers out of my gloves one by one.

"W-what?" He asked with his eyes that are usually so big, squinting up at me. I remember thinking had he lost his innocence?

"You shouldn't hold it with your bare hands. Here. It's old isn't it? Take it. Keep it." I say basically forcing my gloves on him. That was my compensation. I was fine with just that. I had given something to the teenager who was being abused.

"T-thank you." He said and then he smiled at me. He smiled at me sincerely and he sat the snowball down on his lap, immediately slipping the gloves on.

"It's warm right?" I asked with a nod.  
He smiled up at me sincerely once again.

"Mhm." I nodded in response and walked down his stairs. "Hey, neighbor." He called loudly at me.

 

"Levi." I corrected awaiting reply.

"Levi welcome back. I haven't said that today yet." He giggled after his sentence and the saliva in my throat felt thicker.

"Oh. T-thank you." I said in an odd tone that still makes me feel weird today just remembering it.

Hearing those words that I just expected to hear everyday really made me feel happy. I didn't know why at the moment but I do now. It was something that I always came home to. It was apart of my daily reutine.

I decided to take a nap early in the afternoon and I looked into Eren's window before I fell asleep. He was drinking out of the milk jug wearing only his boxers. I surveyed his skin and the bruises were larger and darker. That meant they were healing. He looked over at me through the window and smiled. As I was smiling back he frowned and started coughing. It looked like he couldn't catch his breath and that made me sit up quickly. He coughed a few more times and held his mouth open and hovering over his kitchen table. I looked closely and saw a trail of bloody saliva hanging from his mouth. He held his heart as he tried to calm himself down.

I remember hating his father so much for doing this to him. How could someone do these sort of things to another living and breathing thing?

I rushed to my window and opened it, the chilling air not even bothering me. After a moment he noticed me and opened his own window.

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern.

"Oh I'm fine. I'm sick sorry." He said, his voice was scratchy. He had his same kind smile spread across his face.

"Was that blood?" I asked. "That could mean a very serious injury."

"Oh um yes. I lost a tooth earlier." He said with a strange look.

"You sure?" I asked.

He nodded, blinking with his long eyelashes.

"Sorry if we- I wake you during the night. You can hear it?" He asked innocently. He asked me that question as if he were referring to a barking animal or his alarm in the morning.

I nodded slowly, confused by the question.

He apologized again, said goodbye, then left.

After my nap I looked into Eren's kitchen just for a moment. Then I thought about how before I'd fell asleep we'd had our first conversation.

I ate dinner at my normal time and Eren's nightly beating began earlier than usual. I slowly ate my dinner, my mouth felt full and heavy with guilt.

At midnight I returned to my room and sitting by the kitchen window, was Eren. He was crying. I could see his body quivering although his face was well covered by his hands.

I opened my window and again the chilling air bit through my face. I sat for about two minutes waiting for him to notice until he finally did. With my hand I gestured for him to come here. He looked confused at first, then he left for a moment, coming back with a shirt on his back and those soft shoes people only wear around their homes. He climbed out of his window, taking quick, quiet, steps, then he crawled inside of my window. I back away to make room for him as he came inside.

"It's cold out there." Was all he said when he got in.

I felt really good about myself as if I actually saved him or something. But I did save him, from another night or early morning of torture. At the time that was enough for me.

He looked down at my bed then back up at me. I nodded, giving him permission and he happily sat down. After a moment of silence I decided to speak. The sight of his bruised knees pointed the direction of conversation.

"Did he hurt you again?" I asked, looking down into his eyes, daring him to lie to me.

"He? Who?" Eren asked with a fake look of confusion.

"Your father." I said simply.

Eren sighed deeply and chuckled softly, giving up his act without having to formally say he was doing so. "He's a good man, he just gets drunk a bit." He said.

I nodded. I mean, I wanted to do more for him, but what could I do besides listen to his story? I'm not going to reach into his personal life.

"Oh. You don't have to tell me what you don't want to. I'm all ears though." I said. I folded my arms over my chest.

"Thank you. There's really nothing more to it. I'm sorry if we wake you up at night." He said with a large smile which I guess was supposed to be appreciation.

I didn't like it. He was always so happy and cheerful. He didn't act like someone who was being beaten down. I think that's part of the reason why I waited so long...

I squat in front of him and pull his shirt up a bit and his boxers down just a little so I can see his upper hip. Just as I thought, the areas of skin were filled with fading bruises.

"W-what are you doing?" He asked with an uncomfortable shift in his body position.

I let his garments go. "He touches you right? Sexually?" I asked seriously.

"W-what? What do you mean? What are you even saying?" He asked with a confused expression.

I placed my hand on his thigh expecting him to flinch like someone who was being abused in that way would have, but he did not. He just stared at my white hand on his tan thigh.

An odd stirring lit in my lower stomach and an odder memory resurfaced. This morning, the snowball Eren was molding, the contrast of color was truely magnificent. The prestine white, pureness of the snow being held by the deliciously tan, soft skin of Eren's, it was quite a sight. You never take sights like that for granted....

"Does your father ever touch you in weird places?" I asked. He gave me a blank, puzzled look that completely frustrated me. "Has your father ever spread you open and-"

"Oh lord, stop." He said cutting me off. "I know what you mean." He said and I slid my hand off of his thigh. The skin was so soft, the more my fingers travelled down his leg, the slower they went. We looked into each other's eyes as my fingers left his silken skin. He looked away first, looking down. "My father wouldn't do something that disgusting." He said.

"Abuse... Any abuse is disgusting." I said seriously. I waited for him to reply, but it was clear he wasn't going to. "Have you seen your body lately!" I yelled grabbing onto his forearms and shaking him.

"Of course I've seen it." He replied shakily.

"Then why won't you get help?" I shouted.

"It's not as easy as you try to make it sound." He said. A tear slid down his cheek. Those precious tears that fell so much from next door were falling right in front of my face. "I don't want to go back there." He cried. I let go of his arms so he could use his hands to hide his face.

I sighed deeply. He's hopeless. I guess I can't help but get involved. "You can sleep in here for tonight if you want... If you're scared to go back to your house." I said.

"J-just tonight?" He asked in a low tone. He dropped his hands from his face but didn't want to show me his eyes.

I searched for them for a moment, forced to lift his chin to try to read his emotions. He looked scared. I wasn't going to send him away though, I didn't want to hate myself even more.

"You go back in the morning. Try your hardest to do what he says and avoid getting hit. At night, you're more than welcome to come sleep in my room. Even when I'm not in here, you aren't trapped, my window is always unlocked, just come inside." I said with a promising nod.

He took my hand, with his shaking, bruised, scruffy-looking, yet soft hand and thanked me. Then as more tears ran down his cheeks he grabbed the neck of my shirt.

"Eren what are you-" I was cut off by him gently laying his forehead on the middle of my collar bone, his hair was thrusted into my nose. His hair smelled great. If all the seasons came together in the form of a scent it would be the scent of Eren's hair.

"Thank you so much." He said with a sniffle.

"E-Eren?" I called.

"You smell good." He sniffled before picking his head up and looking into my eyes. He brought his face dangerously close to mine and the unborn tears made beautiful waves in the ocean that was his eyes.

I felt all choked up. My saliva was building up in my mouth. "Eren..." I said pulling my face away from his. He cleared his throat and stood from my bed. "Do you want to sleep on the couch in the living room or in here on the floor?" I asked my eyes following his as he kneeled next to me on the floor.

"Here is fine. If you don't mind." He said with a smile. Those precious sincere smiles would make my heart melt. That night as I threw him blankets and pillows off of my bed I couldn't help but wonder if I had formed a deeper relationship with the boy who greeted me everyday. I hoped that in this moment we'd formed a bond, one founded with trust and understanding.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks passed and Eren coming into my room at night became the reutine. We would laugh together and watch tv together, our bond became stronger. Although we never told each other anything too personal, we trusted each other completely. He would come into my room as early as 3 a.m, I'd be sleep of course but I trusted him inside of my house.

About a month after he had started sleeping in my room, one night I woke up and he was sleeping next to me. I felt so comfortable while I was sleeping, so calm, and I woke up and he was asleep next to me. The Spring air would have made it too clammy to sleep on the floor.

I studied his face. His lips were parted slightly and his breathing was deep and even. I moved some hairs out of his face then I chuckled to myself. He had some nerve, coming into my house and crawling in bed next to me. I lift the sheet off of his body and review it like I've started doing since last week. He was still only wearing a t-shirt and boxers.

I gasped at how much better he looked. The bruises were barely even visible. I touch the darkest bruise on his thigh, stroking the healed skin proudly. I smile to myself and I deserve to. I've done a good deed. Eren moaned softly in his sleep and I snatched my hand away from his body.

I roll out of the bed and get ready for work. After taking a shower, I returned to my bedroom. I looked at Eren's still figure in my bed. He was still asleep. I dropped the towel from around my waist and opened my drawer for clothes. I look back at Eren just in case and I notice his position changed. He was now laying with the sheets rolled up and wedged in between his legs, separating his thighs. His thighs were exposed to the morning air and to any wandering eyes... To my wandering eyes. I took a few steps closer to him. His boxers, on the side of his leg that was face up, were rolled up quite a bit to the point where they looked like loose panties. The bottom half of his derrière was exposed along with the rest of his leg and I gasped as he shifted a little in his sleep.

As I took another step closer to him, his eyes fluttered open. "Good morning Levi." He said with a yawn.

"Good morning." I replied stiffly.

"Did you have a shower?" He asked, his eyes briefly dropping from my face, to my naked bottom half. I nodded as his eyes dropped again, this time lingering on my genitals.

"Close your eyes." I said quietly looking at the boy. He looked so entranced with my lower body that it made me feel sort of strange. A teenaged boy shouldn't be looking at a naked man with his eyes twinkling like that.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare." He said and I was surprised that he actually closed his eyes.

"Why were you looking at it, Eren?" I asked with very real curiosity.

"It?" He asked. "I wasn't looking at anything in particular." He said. He sounded pretty honest so I believed him.

"Oh." I replied simply.

"You have a beautiful body." He said and his eyes opened again. "Everything about it is perfect." He added, his eyes slowly traveling from my thighs to my eyes.

I turned away from his gaze because I couldn't read what he was thinking like I usually can. It sparked a little excitement into my lower spine. I walked toward my drawers and pull out an outfit.

"You really think so?" I asked, just trying to knock the silence out of the room.

My bed creaked as he slid to the edge and stood up. I turned towards him as he sort of did a back bend with his arms up. He made an odd noise as he stretched.

"Mmm- I really think so." He said cracking his back, then fixing his posture.

"Oh, then thank you." I said. He likes this pale body of mine?

Eren lifts my window up and dangles one leg out of it. "I'm sorry I slept in your bed." He said with a frown as if he had just remembered.

I had a random memory flash of my pajama-clad leg in between Eren's hot thighs and his hot breath on my face. That's right, at some point we were facing each other. I've touched those thighs of Eren's a few times underneath those sheets with my palms smoothing down his scorching skin. All of this happened while we were asleep.

I wouldn't have minded if Eren slept in this bed with me again.

No one's been in this bed with me since Petra left, and I was beginning to forget how nice it was to sleep with someone. To have another warm body next to yours while you sleep is comforting. Him sleeping on the floor in my room was comforting, but having him in my bed was comforting in so many other ways.

"It's okay Eren. You sleepwalk right?" I asked, just handing him an excuse.

"I never told you that. How did you know?" He asked and he sounded serious.

"Guessed." Is all I said.

"Yeah I sleepwalk sometimes... But I didn't sleepwalk last- nevermind." He said jumping out of my window. "Have a nice day." He said.

"I'll try. Hey, you have a good day too. Avoid that bastard and if he even looks at alcohol come hide at my house." 

He smiled and we both went our seperate directions.

When I got home from work Eren was on his porch, sitting in his chair, picking petals off of a flower. The rays of nostalgia beamed off of him. Those harmful rays of which I had no protection, they shined right on heart.

A bumble bee flew over his head and his green eyes followed it and then when it left range, his eyes settled on me. "Welcome back Levi." He said. He stood up and he was wearing tight jeans, a loose t-shirt, and a light sweater. He waved at me, threw the stems of his petalless flowers in the grass, and ran up to me.

"How was work?" He asked walking me to my house.

"It was nice." I said looking at his face briefly. I noticed a small trail of dry blood in the corner of his lips. I shook my head. He let it happyyyyyen again. "So when I asked if your father abused you sexua-"

"Where do you work?" He asked purposely cutting me off.

I sighed deeply, letting it go. "Oh. I'm a psychiatrist." I said. "I work at a hospital in the next town."

"Psychiatrist huh? That's why you ask so many questions." He said with a laugh as if he had just found the square root of zero.

"Eren one of these days I want you to tell me everything." I said halting my steps to look him directly in the eye.

"I promise." He said looking straight back into mine. "One of these days I'll tell you everything. I just want you to know he's, my father, he's not raping me or anything." He said with a reassuring smile. I smiled back in response. "See you tonight." He added. He scampered off towards his house.

"Eren!" I called and this is the part I remember the most. I wouldn't let myself forget this.

He turned towards me, his hand already on his doorknob.

"In the winter you would watch snowflakes fall and make snowballs, in the spring you pick petals off of flowers, and in the fall you'd crunch leaves." I said loudly. "I was wondering which season do you prefer?" I asked. It seemed like an odd question.

He thought for a moment. "It would have to be fall. I love the air and mood, everything just seems happy." He replied.

"Air and mood? What about those dead leaves you were playing with?" I questioned.

"Dead?"

"Yes they were dead." I assured.

"It depends on your perspective Levi. The leaves, in my opinion, weren't dead, they were fallen. Fallen leaves." He said with a nod.

"But since they have fallen, a few minutes later they die." I said trying to make some point.

"You see that tree. The leaves are growing back already. The leaves came from this tree and so... It's better to think they are happy that they sprouted from such a massive living thing filled with different lives attached to other lives and are content that they served their role. Leaves are born, they live  a little, then they die. In that way leaves are a lot like us aren't they?" He said opening his door.

I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say. "At the end of the season all of the leaves die." Is all I could come up with.

"And in the beginning of it, they are all replaced." He said. He shot me a smile, then walked into his house.

In that ways leaves are just like love, aren't they?

I stood outside in the same spot thinking for a while. I found out that Eren was an intellect that day but the night was even more interesting.

Eren climbed through my window wearing a new pair of boxers and a new shirt. It was early, about 9 o'clock and he looked at my sitting figure on the bed. I looked back at him as I kicked my shoes off.

"How did I come over here in the winter? Now that I think about it, it was freezing out there." He said with a laugh. He did a superman jump into my bed, which made a loud thunk, then he turned to lay on his back with his arms folded behind his head.

"Don't do that." I said in a low tone.

"You mad?" He asked with an amused voice.

I turned around to look at him and gulped when I saw half his mid section out. His eyes were happily closed so I knew I wouldn't be caught looking. 

He wore his boxers low on his waist so I could see the two sides of his pelvis bone sticking out from shorts. He had an undefined v-line and his skin looked so smooth. There weren't any bruises on him at all anymore.

"I'm not mad." I replied while surveying his body. I was so happy his abuse had ended somewhat. I liked to think I had everything to do with it.

My eyes widened as he stuck his hand into the front of his shorts.

"Tsss- ahh..." He moaned. I looked closer to see what exactly he was doing. On closer inspection I noticed his pelvis bone, underneath his stroking hand was bruised slightly.

"You okay?" I asked turning away from him.

"Hu- ahhh. Yeah." He said. His moans of light pain made me feel kind of odd. "Look." He imperated. I turned back around and looked at the bruised side of his pelvis. He pulled his boxers down a little more, revealing that the bruise continued a little further down and my eyes widened. "I ran into a table at my house. Haha it's strange how half the bruises I get are due to my own clumsiness instead of my father. I'm my own abuser." He said.

I ripped my eyes away from gazing at his fingers stroking such a scandalous spot on his body. His mouth continued to emit deplorable sounds and I forced myself out of the bed. I changed into my pajamas and rejoined him on the bed. For some reason I couldn't fall asleep.

"Levi, do you want me to sleep on the floor?" He asked. He crawled over my back to face me. I shivered due to his body heat suddenly coming into contact with me.

"You're fine." I assured. "Get some sleep." I added.

I felt a small, painful throbbing and I clenched my fists with an odd groan.

"Hm?" Eren hummed.

"What?" I responded.

"What's in your hand?" He asked playfully.

"Nothing." I said plainly.

"You're holding it so tightly." He said. He suddenly slid his warm hand down my arm and grabbed my fist.

"Hey! What are you-"

"Let me see it. What is it?" He asked trying to unroll my fingers. Part of his chest was pressed against my back and his face was so close to mine. One of his legs came over mine to try to hold me still. I was so warm, I was too warm.

"I don't have anything!" I shout.

Eren's hand drops from my hand to my lower stomach as he tried to gain leverage. "Then why are you trying to hide it? Open your hand." He said.

That's what I should've done from the beginning. I opened my hand and showed him that nothing was in it.

His hand slowly and unpurposely dropped from my stomach to my hip as he got his leg off of me. "From the start you should've just opened your-"

I moaned loudly as Eren's hand burned a hole in my stomach. That hurt but ales felt delightful. He touched it again and I realized I had an erection. "Oh." He said simply.

"Um.. This doesn't usually happen..." I tried. Wow, what an embarrassing moment. I could hear him giggling behind me. I got up, went to the bathroom, and just stayed in there for who knows how long, just sitting on the toilet.

When I finally came back Eren was asleep. I shamefully climbed into the bed and just stared blankly. My erection had gone away but what was the cause? Why was it here in the first place? I haven't had an erection since Petra and I were dating. I turned around in the bed to face Eren's back and I reached for him. Sticking my hand inside of his boxers, I massaged the bruised side of his pelvis and I softly kissed his neck once. In that moment I was so curious, my hand was so close to the hottest part of Eren's body.

I thought "what the hell" and I slowly slid my hand further into his boxers until I felt it. The fetal position he was laying in made access to his body parts extremely easy. I poked it again with my finger, it jumped by itself, and Eren moaned softly in his sleep.

I lightly lowered my fingers down the shaft all the way to the head, then I carefully wrapped my fingers around the soft thing. I began to stroke it for a moment, Eren squirming in his sleep, then I caressed the head. It felt like a beautiful penis, if only I could see it.

"What are you doing?" I asked myself so many times. I wanted to make him cum.. But not like this. I wanted him to be conscious. I slid my hand back out of his boxers and turned his sleeping figure towards me. He always sleeps with his mouth parted like that, truly beautiful he is when he sleeps. I lower my face down to his.

"What are you doing?" I asked myself for the hundredth time.

I kiss him softly, my bottom lip slightly inside of his mouth and my top lip sloppily on his. I stayed like that for a while before pulling away and laying down. What the hell was all of that for? Eventually I fell asleep.

I woke up and I wasn't sure if everything that happened after Eren had tried to get absolutely nothing out of my hand had actually happened. I sat up in my bed and looked at the hand I had toyed Eren with.

It didn't look any different.

I remember telling myself if I really had done those unacceptable things to him in his sleep, I'd never do them again.

Eren's eyes slowly cracked open, adjusted to the light coming in through my window, then he sat up.

"Good morning." He said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning." I replied. I felt so ashamed that it was hard to look him in the eye.

"Huh?" He asked when he noticed I wouldn't look him in the eye. "Did I do something last ni- oh.... This is still about your boner? I mean I don't really care that you popped a woody. You told me about that one ex of yours. Were you thinking about her? I've never gotten a boner before so-"

"Eren this conversation is really weird." I said cutting him off. Who could just ramble on and on about boners like that.

"Levi I really look up to you." He said and I instantly felt sick to my stomach. "You've been more of a father to me than my own dad." He said standing up and stretching.

"Eren?" I called shaking my head as he stuck his legs out of the window. He jumped out and stood in the patch of grass between our houses.

"At first I was nervous because I thought I'd be embarrassed if I accidentally called you daddy but now I think I could naturally say it." He said.

It felt like spiders were crawling over me. I felt so cold and clammy, like a disgusting pervert. He couldn't call me daddy, I wouldn't let him. The way I was thinking about him last night would make me the most messed up father... Even father figure in the entire world. I was disgusted. "Eren, no." I said quietly.

"See you later daddy." He said with a laugh.

I almost threw up a little in my mouth.

I played with him in his sleep.

What kind of father does that make me.

And why daddy? Why did he choose daddy out of dad, father, old man anything else would've been better than daddy.

At work that day I had to talk to a kid who bumped his head a little too hard a few weeks prior. I could tell he wasn't in his right mind. He went from happy to sad and from angry to happy then back to sad again. I tried to calm him down. He told me about things I pretended to care about. He told me about his prostitute mother and his alcoholic father and that instantly reminded me of Eren. I started to care about what this freak show was talking about. I began to ask questions and it was clear to me this kid was so messed up because of the abuse and neglect he received at home. I couldn't let that happen to Eren. Besides, I had to be a good daddy right?

When I came back from work Eren was on the porch as usual but unusually he wasn't doing anything. He's usually doing something- anything but he was just staring blankly ahead.

"Good afternoon Eren." I said.

He jumped and looked around as if he had just been woke from a trance. "Oh, welcome back Levi."

"What were you just doing?" I asked approaching my house. I thought of the way that kid at work would just stare at nothing and I got worried.

"Just... Thinking." He replied.

"Eren come to my house. We need to talk." I plead.

"Uh.. I don't think I should." Eren says.

"Come on. You said your father sleeps all day right?" I asked opening my door.

"Yeah, but still.." He said.

"Come on." I begged.

 

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked opening my refrigerator.

"Do you have milk?!" He asked with excitement. I got a vision of his bruised shirtless body drinking the milk from the carton.

I passed him the carton and went to the cabinet to get him a cup. When I turned back around he was wiping milk from his upper lip. It made me smile. He had no manners at all.

"Eren." I said sitting at the table with him. "Have you considered calling the police or anything?" I asked.

His smile and playful aura burned out quickly. "No." He said looking me in the eye.

"Well... Why not?" I asked softly. I could tell he was getting sort of angry.

"You think I want to live in a foster home or something?" He asked.

"Well don't you care about your own health at all?" I asked.

"Don't answer my question with a question." He barked back. "I can take a punch in the stomach or the face once a day." He said.

"What do you mean once a day. Before I helped you, your body was filled with bruises."

"Oh do you want me to thank you? And I already told you most of those bruises were accidentally self inflicted." He said. The tension in the room was so thick. As a psychiatrist defusing situations like these were a part of my job. I don't want a broken Eren with split personalities like that kid I evaluated at work. I have to help him.

"Eren, I understand the way you're feeling right now, you feel trapped and scared and-"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that. I'm not one of your clients." He said with hurt and offense.

I got out of my seat and wrapped my arms around his head, pulling it to my chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I said seriously. "I won't ask about you and your dad anymore." It wasn't my place and he was right, he isn't, wasn't, and wouldn't ever be my client. It was unfair for me to treat him that way.

After a while he wriggles out of my hold. "You're acting like a daddy again, daddy." He said with a smile.

As much as that word burned my insides I managed to smile back.

 

At night I was surprised that Eren decided to sleep on the floor. I wondered if he was keeping it a secret, the fact that he felt me playing with him.

"Goodnight daddy." He said.

"Night." I replied.

After what felt like a couple minutes of sleep my eyes cracked open. Something isn't right. I listened for Eren's deep breathing on the floor but I didn't hear it. I looked down and I saw Eren's head right about where my stomach ends. I lifted my back slightly, propped up by my elbows and Eren lifted his head. His mouth was open and saliva and a white substance was hanging from his tongue and teeth.

"Eren?" I grunted. I groaned in discomfort. My stomach was in knots, it felt twisted like someone had tried to wring it dry.

"Be still, daddy." He said.

His mouth enveloped my wet, hard flesh and I moaned in confused pleasure. "Eren, what are you doing?" I gasped. His speed increased and I felt my head hit the back of his throat plenty of times. "St-... Stop!" I yelled as I felt that familiar bubbling in my stomach. The bubbling I haven't felt in a while. He stopped for a second to lick the legnth of my erection, then swallowed me once again. His palms.. I felt them on my bare upper thighs. I exploded into his mouth.

I tried to catch my breath as he released my penis from his mouth with a smacking sound. "It's still big." He said in amazement.

"Eren." I said breathily. "Why did you do that?" I asked. My dick was still hard, it was still pointing straight up.

"Because it's my fault that it was hard yesterday. I knew that and I did nothing about it." He said.

"I didn't expect you to." I explained.

"Levi let's have sex." He said so suddenly. I sat up and looked at his face to see if he was serious.

"Eren you can't calm me daddy, and ask me to have sex with you the same day." I said. I looked down at my throbbing erection.

"But you need it badly." He said grabbing my meat. I groaned as he began to jack me off. My groans became desperate moans as he increased his speed. "Besides, I wasn't asking you to have sex with me. I was telling you to." He whispered.

I smiled because I've had it. I snatched his hands off of me and I climbed over him. He struggled a little as I tried to get his wrists down flat on the bed. "This is my house. This is my bed you're in." I said releasing one of his wrists to pull his boxers down his legs. He kicks his legs out a bit in surprise. "You don't tell me what to do." I explained. I slid my hand up his thigh in search for his hole and I quickly found it. I pushed a finger inside of him to the hilt and he yelled in surprised pain.

"Uh! Levi, easy." Eren moaned.

I pulled my finger out of him, sucked on my first two and reinserted them.

"It's tight." I said. I had to corkscrew my fingers inside of him, seperating the two heavy mounds of flesh. I began to slowly thrust my fingers into him.

"Mm! Yes! Daddy!" Eren yelled. I thought it would disgust me but it actually turned me on. Why? I haven't been turned on genuinely in so long. I've never ever popped a boner, Petra had to play with me for a while before I was hard enough to do anything.

Who was this kid? Why did my body react to him? Everything about him turned me on, his skin, his voice, him in general.

I turned him over to lay on his stomach, his ass in the air. I seperated him with my thumbs and slowly pushed into him.

"Lift your hips a little." I said grabbing both sides of his waist. He adjusted his body so that he was on his hands and knees. He quietly hummed protests and it sounded like he was in pain.

"Hnn- Mmph!" He complained. I wanted to hear his voice. I pushed my hand up his shirt-covered back, to his face and I peeled open his mouth.

"Talk to me, Eren." I said slowly sliding my fingers down over his lips.

"D-daddy!" He yelled as I pushed the rest of my erection into him. "Daddy." He cried.

"What, baby?" I asked with a chuckle. I dragged my fingers down his neck and slid my other hand up his shirt. I gently rubbed over his nipple, feeling the small bud harden beneath my fingers. Goosebumps rose all over his skin and he moaned like a common whore. His moans were loud and sweet and they urged me to continue tearing him apart.

I began thrusting hard, harder than I dared just to hear him scream and moan, shivering and trembling beneath me.

"Daddy! Daddy!" He yelled.

It made me shudder. "What? What's wrong Eren?" I asked. I gave his nipple a pinch and tugged on it a few times, then I used my hands to steady his rocking hips. I snaked my hand around his hip and  grabbed his penis just as it was squirting fluids. Eren cried a long pitiful cry and his upper body collapsed. I made sure his hips didn't fall so he was laying with his face down and ass up, his knees, probably sore, rocking in their struggle to support his weight.

"You know," I said as I leaned into him completely. He whimpered quietly then moved his hand up to his mouth, fingers bent, biting the skin of his pointer finger. I moved his hand away from his mouth slowly, watching the trail of saliva stretch and eventually split. "Petra left me because I was too rough with her. She said in the bedroom I treated her like a rag doll." I said. As I continued to thrust into Eren's tight canal my stomach felt tense. I knew what was coming. "What do you think about that?" I asked. I grabbed his penis again to try to stroke it back to hardness but the wet little thing was spent. He shuddered at my touch. I held his shaft with my four fingers and I teased his sensitive head with my thumb. He couldn't stifle his whimpering any longer and his soft penis squirted another load into my hand.

"S-sorry." He said with his shaky, hardly audible voice.

"What do you think Eren? I pulled a lock of her hair out once on accident while we were going at it." I asked.

"I don't care, because I know you wouldn't be too rough with me." He said.

"Oh yeah? How can you be so sure?" I asked and I flipped him over so he was laying on his back. With my wet hand I grabbed his chin and forced him to look me in the eye. "I can tear you to shreds, easily. Why do you trust me so much. Why do you like me so much?" I asked. I needed these answers. 

I leaned into him as far as he could take and licked the curve of his throat when he threw his head back and yelled. His mouth stayed open as I continued my harsh thrusts, soft strangled cries left his throat. I pull his head back forward and lowered my lips onto his. I was afraid I had hurt him too badly, his mouth stayed open in the same way for a while but eventually he started kissing back.

I grabbed his semi-hard penis and stroked it as I sped up my thrusts. I was getting ready to cum and I wanted him to cum with me. "Because..." He whispered. His voice had this breathy tone to it, like he had just ran a mile. "Y-you went out of your way to help me." He said with a shiver. He yelled out again as he came for the third time and I grunted as I came for the second. I leaned into him so I could leave a part of myself deep inside of him. All those tiny little sperms, all parts of me, would be swimming inside of Eren deeper than I could. I've never came inside Petra, mostly because I didn't want her to get pregnant. I'd always pull out last minute. With Eren not only would he not get pregnant but there's was no way I could pull out.

Counterproductively, I use my wet hand to wipe the access saliva from my and Eren's sharing of mouths off of my lips and chin.

He took a while to catch his breath and when he finally caught it he closed his legs and turned away from me on the bed. His figure was trembling. I put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked far too calmly.

"No." He replied.

I felt really bad. I looked over his body and my cum, tinged pink with blood was pouring from his hole in spurts. I winced and placed a hand on his back, moving it up and down trying to comfort him.

"You want a shower or something?" I asked. He nodded and sat up. He gasped and held his lower stomach. "Are you okay?" I asked trying to help him. He nodded and shooed my hands away.

He went to the kitchen first and opened my refrigerator. He pulled out the carton of milk and raised the mouth to his lips with his rapidly shaking hand.

"Eren?" I asked with concern.

As he was taking his shower I washed my hands and kept looking back at him. He wouldn't look at me at all. I could tell he was having a hard time moving. "Eren do you need some help?" I offered.

He turned around and looked at me with the sweetest smile. "No." He answered.

That was the first time we had sex.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I woke up to the sight the smooth tan skin on Eren's back. I looked lower and noticed the sheets were only concealing the bottom half of Eren's butt. The top half of his soft, round bottom was free for my wandering eyes to see. I shifted in the bed and gave a small kiss to one side of his exposed butt. It was such a cute butt. Then I noticed something even cuter, something I didn't notice the night before. He had the cutest little dimples right above the slit that hides his hole.

I spreaded him open and gasped when I see the decent amount of dry blood leading to his hole.

I removed my hands from him. I did hurt him  the night before. Me. The person who was going to protect him, the person who despised his abusive father, I had abused him myself and made him bleed.

That day, that moment, I promised to myself... I wouldn't hurt him again.

 

Once again I seperate his two globes of flesh and I run my tongue down his valley. He grunts in his sleep.

I decided I would cherish this human being just like I had given birth to him. I concluded that I was the only person he had and he was technically all that I had. So, two people like that should have each other. I would cherish him until he died... I promised.

I woke him up and made love to him the right way. We looked into each other's eyes, shared passionate kisses, and we came together. I sit down on the bed. He tiredly straddles my lap and holds both sides of my face.

"Levi, there's a lot of things I want to tell you about myself." He said before pecking me on the lips.

"Okay." I said in anticipation.

"Not now though." He said laying his upper body down. It poked his pelvis and erection out in the best way. "Put it back in daddy." He said with a snort. "Does it bother you when I call you daddy?" He asked.

"No, it actually turns me on." I admitted.

Eren's eyes squinted up at me from his laying position and his lips curled into a smile. "What are you waiting for?" He asked.

I Lifted his bottom a little, then penetrated him once again. He arched his back as I pulled and pushed his hips so my penis was all the way inside of him, then almost out. That was how it should be, Eren laying down and relaxing while I did all of the work. Both of us enjoyed it this way. As Eren was getting ready to cum I placed my hand on his lower stomach to steady him.

"Levi?" He gasped. "I like it better like this." He said before ejaculating. I knew he would. I had to pull out before I came because he was still raw inside. He walked sort of funny afterwards. He took a swig of milk then he had a shower and had to leave through my front door.

He smiled back at me as I stood by the front door. "Thank you." He said walking down the three steps that lead to my front door.

"Thank you." I said right back.

His smile got wider and the warm spring air blew his hair into his face. Maybe it was possible for a teenager to control the seasons.

That kid, Eren, who climbed out of his window in the bitter cold during winter to sleep next to me, Eren, who came during the early hours of the morning to cuddle into the safety that was my room, maybe I could... Or maybe I already had fallen for him. Maybe I've been in love with him for a while.

"Eren!" I shouted after him. His eyes twinkled. I was mesmerized by how sometimes his eyes could look like the sky, and other times they could look like the fresh grass. Just like a plain field I've seen somewhere there's a point where if you look down far enough it looks as though the ground and the sky is connected. Right where the green touches the blue... There were times when Eren's eyes looked like that. 

"One of these days will you tell me your full story? One of these days we should get your father locked up, together." I said. As soon as the words left my mouth his smile faded and his eyes stopped sparkly. I instantly regretted saying that. I thought that must be how he looks when he's at home when his father hits him, even if he is reminded of his father.

I wouldn't ask again.

I freshened myself up for work and then left my house. My car seemed so small compared to my house, compared to my room. I smiled to myself a lot all throughout the day.

I sat across from my client and crossed a leg over the other.

"Tell me about you, Connie." I said giving him my complete eye contact. As a psychiatrist you have to show that you are 100% invested and interested in what the client is talking about. He looked up at me with an evil glare from his seat. "Does your father beat you?" I asked straight up. He sat in silence for a minute.

"It sure as hell isn't my mom." He said.

So that was confirmation. His situation is similar to Eren's, maybe that's why I was actually interested. I put my notebook and pen on the small coffee table and sat a little straighter in my chair.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be taking notes?" He asked with a frown.

"Oh. I'd actually like to listen to your story, I'll write later." I said uncrossing my legs and looking this kid in the eye. He was Eren's age too.

"Okay. My father, he was a real dick. He beat my mom until she left. She left when I was six. Why would she leave me? I'd ask myself that all the time. Why wouldn't she take her precious child with her? When I reached ten years my father told me my mom died. He wouldn't give me details but he said it was because of him. We cried together and he told me I was all he had left. He told me he would cherish me. Hahaha, that fucker." He said. His laugh was painful and he looked down.

"He gave you no details?" I asked.

"None. I had to find out. The first time he hit me, the rest of the day every ten minutes he apologized. It became more frequent, the beating I mean and he accidentally broke my arm. I was twelve. My neighbors knew what was happening but no one cared. No one would help me. Why wouldn't anybody help?" He shrieked.

My saliva felt hard to swallow. My eyebrows were painfully bent towards my forehead.

"I'm human too. Wasn't it worth the risk, stepping in? Wasn't my life worth protecting? Hahaha I guess not. So a few weeks ago-"

"Connie. Don't ever say that again. Your life is worth the risk. It's worth every risk. People don't step in because," I shifted my eyes away from his in shame. "Because they think it's none of their business. They think 'oh that kid, if he wanted rescuing he would call the police, he would run away from there' but I understand now." I said. I stood from my seat, walked over to Connie, and grabbed his hands. "Thank you so much Connie. I understand now. There is something I could, and should do." I said, fighting back tears. Why did I feel like crying, I still can't figure that out.

"What are you talking about?" He asked in discomfort at my sudden touch.

I released him. "There's a person back where I live who's kind of like you." I said. I stood up and quickly, before he had time to react, grabbed his head and pulled it to my chest in an odd hug.

"Ah!" He protested fighting my hug. He kicked out a little and tried to peel my fingers off of his face and off of his head. After a few seconds of fighting he stopped and let me hug him. I know I'm not allowed to touch my clients but this, I have to do this. He reminds me of Eren. His situation, the way he acts...

He began to sniffle and I felt one of his tears drip onto my arm. I let him go and straightened out my clothes. "I'm sorry." I said. I looked down at his crying face and it reminded me of that time Eren was crying in his kitchen.

He was crying, why? Why was Eren crying? Why was Connie crying?

"I-I haven't, I haven't been-" Connie began to say, cut off by the bell that ended our sessions. He stood up, wiped his tears, and left my room.

On my way home I was trying to think of what he was going to say.

Maybe he hadn't been hugged in a while. Maybe he had never been hugged. Maybe hugs reminded him of his mother. This is a mystery I never got to find out. To this day I don't know why Connie had cried when I hugged him.

I opened my front door and immediately ran into my room. I was sure I'd find Eren in there but he wasn't. I heard a loud thunk from next door followed by a yell, followed by Eren's yell and my heart sank.

I ran outside to Eren's front door. I desperately twisted the knob and found the door locked. I didn't care anymore. I rammed my shoulder into his door repeatedly until I popped the lock and fell through the open door.

"Eren!" I shouted. I ran all through his unfamiliar house and then I finally found him. There in the staircase hall, he layed down flat with his head propped up on the wall and fresh blood in the corner of his mouth. "Eren!" I shouted again. I slowly walked up to him and one of his eyes opened. "Where is he? Where is that bastard?" I asked softly. I kneeled over to Eren and helped him stand to his feet.

"H-he probably fell asleep at the bar again." Eren said.

"So how did you fall?" I asked wiping the blood from his lips.

"I told you I was clumsy." He said with a fake laugh. "Aagh!" He grunted while holding his head with both of his hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He must have hit his head pretty hard for me to hear it from next door.

"I'm fine. I was just on my way to the kitchen to get some milk." He said he started walking towards his kitchen. I felt relieved but still somewhat uneasy. He suddenly fell to the floor, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, blood leaking from his nose, and he started to seize.

"Eren!" I shouted. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I was so anxious and so clueless. I watched his seizure for about two minutes before I thought to call the police.

Seeing Eren on the stretcher was the most painful thing I've seen all my life. In spring, I was only supposed to see him picking petals off of flowers with insects flying around him. It was the perfect image. The nostalgia ran thick, it was supposed to in the spring. It was supposed to....

"Are you his guardian?" The driver of the ambulance asked.

"I look after him when his father is out." I said.

"Oh. In that case come with us." He said.

I hopped in the back of the ambulance and watched the men in their regular everyday outfits as they frantically tried to stop Eren's seizure. After another two minutes they turned Eren back onto his back and his seizure ended.

"What's wrong with him? Why isn't he moving?" I asked.

"Sir, please calm down. He's asleep right now." One of them said to me.

"Asleep." I whispered to myself. He was only asleep.

"Well actually, he's unconscious, but he seems to be okay. So what happened to him?" The man asked.

"He hit his head, hard." I said with a grimace.

Eren woke up when they moved him to a room in the hospital. This is the hospital I work at. I held his hand as they began to remove his clothes. His eyes widened as he noticed he was being stripped.

"S-stop!" He whispered. I rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb. "Stop! Daddy no!" He screamed. I wondered if he meant me when he said daddy or his actual dad.

"Eren?" I whispered.

He began to fight, kicking his legs and his hand broke free from mine. He held his pants up.

"Stop! No more daddy! No more! Please!" He yelled. His eyes were opened so far that I could see his whole eyeball.

"Maybe you shouldn't. It was really only his head that was injured." I told the two male nurses who were taking off his clothes.

"We're going to have to strap him down." One of the nurses said.

"No! Don't do that. He's just scared." I explained. I grabbed his fighting hand once again and held it tightly as they successfully pulled off his pants and underwear.

"No! Please daddy! Please don't!" He shouted.

One of the nurses approached me and told me to follow him out of the room. "I'm Erwin. Are you his father?" He asked closing the door behind us.

"No." I answered. He offered his gloved hand to me and I shook it.

"What's your relationship with that kid?" He asked putting his hands on his hips.

"I'm just his neighbor." I lied. We were much more than that.

"Well I'm not just a nurse. I'm also a psychiatrist." He said.

"Oh so am I." I replied with a nod.

"Oh! Well as a psychiatrist I'm sure it's evident to you that that kid is being raped at home.... Pretty brutally might I add." He said.

I frowned. I didn't want to believe that. I couldn't believe that. It hit me though. I couldn't block out the psychiatrist part of my brain. His fixation of milk, the way he quickly denies being touched by his father, the way he immediately thought to call me daddy the second I did something perverted. No. Why would someone do that to their child?

"If you aren't to squeamish I'd like to show you something as well." He said. He opened the door and led me back into the room.

Eren was surprisingly asleep. He pulled the sheet off of Eren and lifted his hospital gown all the way up to his stomach. I winced at the new bruises on his legs and hips. He put his gloved hand on Eren's upper, inner thigh and parted his legs.

"Sir, isn't this an invasion of privacy?" The other nurse asked.

"Well it would be, but now I think we're looking at a crime scene." Erwin replied.

I looked closely in between his legs and instantly averted my eyes when I saw the thick, pink fluid bubbling out of him. Erwin fixed Eren's clothes and then glared at the other nurse.

"We need to swab that stuff." He said.

"What was that stuff?" The other nurse asked.

"It was semen and blood." Erwin said rolling off his gloves.

"So? What does that mean?" The other nurse asked.

"He was screaming 'no daddy' and  'no more' so that-"

Another nurse, a female, walked into the room. "I've contacted his father, he was at his house asleep, but he'll be here pretty soon." She said. She then walked out, closing the door behind her.

We all looked at each other. "We'll have the cops waiting for him when he gets here." Erwin nodded. "In the mean time you collect the samples," he said to the other nurse. "And I'll speak with him." He said looking at me.

He motioned for me to follow him out of the room and I did. He took me to an empty room with a table and four chairs and he motioned for me to sit on one.

"Tell me everything you know." He said. I silently stared up at him from my seat. I had just taken all of this information in and he expects me to be adequate enough to talk? "I mean you could wait for a lawyer." He said.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. What the hell are you suggesting?" I yelled, standing up.

"Well I mean you didn't mention that the father was at the house at the time of the accident-"

"I didn't fucking know!" I shouted. That's right, Eren even lied to me.

"Oh right, no one ever knows when there's another person in the house with them. It's not like you could've heard a grown man snoring." He said offensively.

"Hey listen here, motherfucker. I wouldn't hurt anyone purposely-"

"Purposely? So you help his father beat him on accident?" He said cutting me off.

"What the hell? Where is all of this coming from?" I asked.

"Hey, I'm just trying to get the whole story here." He said defensively. He surrendered, putting both hands in the air.

"I live next door. All I am is the neighbor. I hear shit flying, glass breaking, and the bumping of a body against a wall all day, everyday. It grosses me out." I yelled, I felt a vein poking out of my neck.

"Yet this is this kids first time at a hospital." Erwin says.

"I LOVE THAT KID!" I finally screamed.

Erwin frowned and backed away from me.

"That kid laying in that fucking bed, bleeding from his nose, mouth, and ass, I love him. I didn't know what to do about it. I knew what was happening, I knew all along and I didn't do anything. I did nothing!" I shouted and angry tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Look, sir-"

"No, shut up. I'm speaking. For you to pull me away from him and accuse me of beating him-"

"I'm sorry sir. I didn't realize you-"

"Of course you didn't. You just came up with a story you thought fit. There are other people like me! People who are all talk and no action. 'Eren get some help' I said when I should've been the one helping him! I'm the adult. He's just a-a kid. I told him to fix his own situation. Selfishly I'd send him back to that hell hole every morning." I said softly.

"Sir, maybe you should sit down. I'm sorry I accused you but I'm really sensitive about this sort of thing. My granddaughter, she-"

"Look man, I don't want to hear it. I don't need to think about this now." I said holding my head in my hands as I plopped down onto the chair.

"Maybe that's your issue, sir. I've accepted what's happened to my granddaughter. Instead of moping about it and blaming people, we've decided to grow from it. We didn't even know the two men who took advantage of her, we couldn't even have him arrested. But you Levi, there's something you can do." 

I looked up at Erwin with a surprised glisten. "You and Eren can lock this bastard up." He said.

That's right. We can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare your feels for next chapter


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm not going to do it." Eren said.

"Wait, what?" I said standing over him.

He sat up in the hospital bed and rubbed the bandage around his head.

"Did I fall or something?" He asked.

"You did." I answered.

"Oh! Levi! Can we go to your house after this?" He asked with excitement. He was just trying to change the subject. "When can I leave from here? I want to be alone with you." He said with a large smile, reaching for my hand.

"Why did you lie to me Eren?" I asked. He's lied to me so much. With a straight face day after day he lied to me.

"Hm? Levi, ask one of the nurses when I can leave."

"That one dumb nurse guy said you have a concussion so you had to stay overnight, and you have to stay today until noon." I said walking around his bed so I'm no longer at the foot, but beside him.

"Awwwe, I want to leave now!" He whined.

"Eren why are you like this? Why do you do this?" I asked sitting beside him on the bed.

"We should go to the beach or some-"

"Eren! Your father was arrested yesterday!" I shouted.

"A-arrested?" He asked, his lip was trembling.

"Yes, he can't hurt you anymore." I said. I put a hand on his back and he quickly moved away.

"Don't touch me!" He yelled.

"When you're better, in like a week you and I are going to court and we're going to get him locked away for as long as possible." I said standing back up.

"No, no. I'm not going to court, I'm not testifying." He said. "No ones getting locked away."

"Eren, it's too late. They swabbed you." I said. He looked confused. "You know, down there. It's over." I added.

"Wait!" He said grabbing the bottom of my shirt with urgency. "No! That's not.. I mean- ugh! Levi!"

"I know you're upset. You're probably thinking about what will you do without your father, you're probably thinking where would you live. I've taken care of everything, after some paperwork I'll be your legal guardian." I said.

"I can't believe you had my father arrested Levi!" Eren shouted extremely loud. I remember my ear ringing for about ten minutes. "Who's going to take care of me! And you had me swabbed! I can't believe you Levi!"

"Hey, I know you aren't mad at me! I'm doing all of this for you!" I said. I thought I was so correct back then. I thought 'I finally stepped in, he should be proud of me'. Then I doubted my self. Maybe it really wasn't my business, he seems pretty mad. That's what I thought. I didn't know what to think so I just pulled him into a hug.

I'm not mad at you. That's what I needed to hear, but he never said it. I'm a psychiatrist, I talk to people like this all the time. People who are raped by their parents feel torn. They don't want it to happen again, but they're scared. They don't want their parent to be in jail. I understand.

"Levi, you shouldn't have done anything." He said pushing me off of him.

"I'm sorry." I said standing once again.

"You should've listened to me Levi, you should've listened." He said looking down. Some tears fell off of his eyelashes.

"Aren't you happy though, you'll get to live with me." I asked.

"Well, I love you. Of course I'm happy." He said looking up at me with those sparkling eyes and a smile that made the wind blow in through the open windows. He was so beautiful when he smiled.

"That's all that matters to me, Eren, that you're happy."

 

In the car on the way home Eren was so irritable. He told me to shut up if I was talking too loud. He told me to shut up if I was talking too much. He told me to raise down his window, then mine because having only one open made his ears feel funny. He was really acting like a different person.

Why was he so mad at me, I continued to think. How could I make this better? I hoped there was a way.

I opened the car door for him and when he walked outside he winced at the light. He yelled in pain at the sun. "Eren are you alright?" I asked.

He nodded.

He was not talking to me.

When we got in the house he just sat at the table, letting my milk spoil on the table's top.

"If you're not drinking it put it away." I said softly. I was trying to pick a fight with him just to hear his voice.

"You put it away. I'm going to bed." He said standing from the table. As he was walking past me I grabbed his wrist and pushed him against the refrigerator. I trapped him with my own body and just stared into his eyes. "What's wrong with you?" He asked calmly.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you like this? Your father is in jail! You should be happy. You've been freed." I whisper loudly into his face.

"I don't know. I am happy. I'm happy but how do I show you that I'm happy?" He asked.

I sighed loudly. "Do you remember what you were saying in the hospital?" I asked him loosening my grip on his wrist. I thought it was appropriate to bring up the face that he's been lying to my from the very start.

"No." He said trying to break his wrist free from me. I felt so unloved in that moment, despite the fact that he told me he loved me. I felt like he said it for no reason. In the hospital he told me not to touch him and he "Are you trying to seduce me Levi? You're holding me pretty tight." He said. He put his free hand on my shoulder and dragged it down my pectorals and stomach. His hands were moving so slowly, I felt each finger move over each nerve in my abdomen. When his hand got to my waist I let him go of him and he removed his hand from me.

"Do you really love me?" I ask as he walked past me.

He briefly turned around. "Levi, it may seem that I lie a lot but I'm not lying when I say I love you. Once I agreed to tell you more about me. I'm still going to but my father being arrested shouldn't have happened. Mm- I hope he's okay." He says walking towards my bedroom.

This time I was the one who plopped down at the table but not with milk, with a beer. I downed it quickly.

He should've been happier that I saved him from his father, that sick man that raped him. I wondered how many times exactly has he been raped? Why did his father beat him? Why didn't he tell someone? Why didn't he tell me? Why? None of it made sense. I drank another beer then headed to bed.

"Levi." Eren whispered as I crawled in bed next to him. I turned to face him and my wrist brushed up against his naked hip.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Let's do it." He replied. I was thrown completely aback by this suggestion, or order. It came out of nowhere. He was acting so bored and offended and then out of the blue he wanted to do it.

"What?" I asked just to make sure I had the right idea. "Do what?" I asked.

"Fuck." He said. A frown of complete confusion wipes over me and his lips spread to a smile. I found myself stuttering and babbling for a moment. What was I even trying to say? "Nevermind." He said turning away from me. He layed flat on his stomach, the back of his head and the top of his back is all the covers allowed me to see.

I sat up with a deep sigh and pulled my shirt over my head. After some thought I realized that I was in the mood for it. I climbed on top of Eren and he gasped in surprise.

"I don't feel like it anymore. Get off of me." He said. I pretended not to hear him and I pulled his hips up off of the bed. It left his head buried into the bed, his butt in the air supported by his knees. My fingers bent under the hem of his boxers. I thought he was laying under here naked but when it comes down to it stripping him was pretty hot. I slid his boxers down to where his knees bent and I opened him up. Greedily my eyes took in his slit with his puckered hole. I wondered if this kid ever had a break or if he was fucked every day of his life.

A strong urge came over me and I ran my tongue through his slit and he moaned in delight. I grabbed his hips and just buried my face in between the two globes. I tried to wriggle my tongue inside of his hole and Eren didn't want that at all. He weakly tried to crawl away, his mouth leaking, his eyes leaking, his penis, probably leaking. I held onto his hips stronger, tightening my grip, digging my fingertips into his skin as I slid my tongue out of him.

"If you're really trying to get away you'll have to try a little harder than that." I said giving one of his smooth asscheeks a bite. It wasn't hard enough to make him bleed, but my mark would definitely be there.

"Get off." He said.

"I don't know if you're joking or not, you are the one who asked me in the first place." I said. I really didn't know if he was joking or not. These weird mood swings he was having, they were indefinite and unmerciful. I stroked my hardening cock until precum began to seep from it. "Ready?" I asked as I lined it up with Eren's throbbing hole. He tried to crawl away again and I quickly grabbed his hips. To avoid his struggling I had to keep ahold of his hips while blinding coming inside. After a first failed attempt my penis found his hole and began it's journey inside of him. "Alright keep still. I'm coming inside."

"If you'll tell me nothing else, tell me this. Am I bigger than your dad? Do I make you scream and moan more?" I asked and Eren answered me with a pained moan.

"You're splitting me!" He yelled. Instead of distress his voice resembled pleasure. "Ah! I want you to stop, but I don't!" He moaned.

I jerked my hips forward, sliding my dick in further and his mouth fell open, wide open and saliva dripped in thin strings from his tongue.

"Come on Eren! Put up more of a fight. Hit me if you have to. If not I'll assume you've given up and I'll give it to you like I'm trying to get you pregnant." I said. I pushed inside of him a little more and shuddered at his inaudible scream. "Just swallow my dick like you did the first time. I wish you could see it from back here, see my dick disappearing into your body." I said with a chuckle. I grabbed his jaw as I buried myself all the way inside of him and he arched his back with a yell. It felt so good being back inside of him. The warmth of his tight hole was comforting compared to my previously neglected self.

He complained when i made my first thrust. His saliva ran from my fingers to dripping down my arm. I gave him another hard thrust. He bit the side of my hand so hard that it immediately started to bleed and he flipped his body around, laying on his back and looking up at me. "Leave me alone." He whispered. His face looked extremely red and he was breathing deeply through his mouth. I lowered my face to plant a kiss on his lips and he turned his face, rejecting it.

I chuckled in utter confusion. "What's gotten into you lately?" I asked with my hard, wet penis giving me pain.

The next day Connie was an emotional wreck. I tried to calm him down but it just was not working out.

"I know someone who's going through what you are going through. I don't know how to comfort either of you." I said honestly.

"Maybe you need a psychiatrist because you told me about this person and you said he controls the seasons." Connie said with a sniffle.

"Oh," I said with a chuckle. "You're ready to talk?" I asked. He had already wasted ten of our minutes crying. "Tell me what's going on."

Connie hesitated, staying perfectly still and quiet for a moment. I could tell he was debating if he should tell me or not. "My friend," he said clearing his throat. "He died yesterday morning," he said. "At the hospital in the next town." He finished and his eyes started to water once again.

"Connie I'm sorry." Is all I could say.

"He was the only one who knew what I was going through. He was the only one who understood because he was going through it too. At his house it was his mother and father though." He said. He averted his eyes from me to the ground. I felt so bad and useless. What was I supposed to say to him that he hasn't heard before? Was I supposed to tell him to move on? Was I supposed to tell him that it gets better?

"Sometimes life just sucks." I said and he looked back up at me. "No matter how hard we try we can't control or understand the evil in this world. Death was your friends freedom. In 2002 there was a girl who went missing. Her family searched everywhere. Her parents got the police cooperation for a little more than two weeks, then they had to form their own search parties. Her parents never lost hope and they searched and searched, took their oldest son to college, then searched more. Even when the search party dwindled down to nothing, the parents accompanied by the family dog, continued to search. In the woods near her house about a year after she went missing, the dog ran off and when he returned he brought back a shoe. It was hers. The dog led the parents over to the body and they fell to their knees. The body looked fine aside from decay, obvious signs of moderate abuse, but what had killed her was the tape over her mouth and nose. The tape was wrapped around her mouth and nose, to the back of her head about an inch thick. Do you know how much tape that is? It's a lot. There was frantic peeling on the tape on her mouth and nose-" I began and Connie cut me off.

"Okay this story isn't helping-"

"Just hold on." I cut him off, assuring that the story had a point and message. "After the police and found the man who kidnapped the girl, he admitted to raping her and occasionally slapping her, but he said he didn't kill her. He said he didn't tape her mouth. He said he let her go free after he was bored with her. They didn't believe him and locked him up. After some time they realized he was telling the truth and they had proof. So why? The parents were left with the question. Why when granted freedom did the daughter choose to kill herself instead of returning to her family? I didn't understand either until I became a psychiatrist and until I met that person and you. After abuse depending on your mental state, depending on your psychological state afterwards, sometimes death is the only freedom. That doesn't just go for abuse either, that goes for any traumatizing experience. That reminds me of a father who had killed his daughter because of how many surgeries she had to have to remove her thigh bone and other bo-" I said before Connie cut me off again.

"Are you telling me to kill myself?" He asked.

"No. Dear God not at all. I'm saying that in that moment that the girl was wrapping the tape around her head and in the moment where your friend took his own life, they felt hopeless. They had been through too much for the mentality. Death was there way out, freedom from others, freedom from themselves... I want you to be stronger than that. Although your dad hits you sometimes, you're only 16 and you have a life awaiting you. I hate to say this because this is just some mid 30's year old man's opinion but your situation doesn't seem so bad. In a year and a half you'll be in college away from your father and in another two years your mom will be back from Russia. Isn't it worth the wait? Think about the children you might have one day, cut your life short and you're preventing possible lives from ever coming to be. One of your kids could grow up to be-" I said. I don't know why I started rambling but I was pretty glad when he cut me off.

"I never said I wanted to kill myself." He said with a tear rolling down his cheek. His eyes were open in shock and surprise as if I had just touched his soul, enlightened his spirit. I got up out of my seat and hugged him. "Not again." He said with a laugh that was being fought back with tears. I liked the mood in the room after the hug. I felt like he let go of some of his pride and anger. "My... uh friend, he didn't kill himself." Connie said. It was pretty rude of me to just assume that's how he died.

I cleared my throat. "How did he die?" I asked.

"His dead hit him in the back of his head really hard with a plank of wood. It was pretty gruesome. He told me he fainted right after that." Connie said and I frowned.

"He didn't die on impact?" I asked sitting straight up in my seat. Being hit in the back of the head that would effect the cerebellum and occipital lobe in the brain wouldn't it? Also the frontal lobe would suffer trauma if the brain his the front of the skull.

"No. He told me the day after it happened. His nose would randomly start bleeding, he'd cough a lot, and he had weird polar mood swings. I knew something was wrong with him. His personality went from friendly to completely isolated. He started fainting a lot and he was taken to the hospital, and he died a day later." Connie said lowering his eyes. "He was my best friend." He added.

I frowned and sat back in my seat. I felt so uneasy. My skin rose in goosebumps and I felt cold all over. I wondered what that feeling was. It was that feeling you get when you remember you've left your phone in a public place. It was that feeling you get when you run upstairs to grab something, then as soon as you are all the way up the stairs you've forgotten what you wanted. You try so hard to remember but you can't. It's that feeling you get when you just know you've lost something but can't figure out what it is.

"Connie can we end here for today?" I asked. I quickly stood to my feet. Everything felt chaotic. It felt like an alarm was going off in my head.

"Sure. Thanks for everything." He replied and I bolted out of the door.

The air was uncomfortably cold blowing in through my car window. It is Spring. I'm sure it should be warmer than this. I wonder if my Eren is still upset. It seems whenever the weather doesn't match the seasons it's because Eren is thinking too hard about something. I laugh to myself when I think about how crazy Connie thought I was. It's true though. Eren does control the seasons.

I felt a severe pain in my chest completely at random and for some reason I began to think about death. I tried to stop myself but everything reminded me of it. I looked outside of the window at the dead trees, their leaves taking their time to grow back. Red was everywhere, there were red birds and red plants. An old lady walked past a house wearing red.

When I got on my block, I realized that it looked different from everyone else's. The trees on my block already had leaves and the air was warmer. Maybe Eren wasn't still upset. At that time, the worst possible time, I thought about what Connie had said. His friend was hit on the back of the head and he died three days later. He had nosebleeds and mood swings. That sounded a lot like Eren. He had hit his head so hard that I heard it from inside of my house. His father most likely pushed him down the stairs, but I knew Eren. He was strong. He handled his father's abuse for so long, why would he all of a sudden be affected by it now?

That is what I thought as I unlocked my front door and walked in. "Eren?" I called. He didn't answer. I assumed he was asleep and I made my way to the bedroom. He was laying in the bed wrapped in covers from his head to his neck. I went over to him and gently shook his back. I buried my lips in his hair and I shook him again. "Have you been sleep all day?" I asked. He didn't answer. He didn't move at all. I flipped him over to his back and my eyes widened at the scene laying before me. A dark string of blood was connected to his nose and a puddle of blood on my bed. His eyes were half lidded and it was unnerving because it looked like he was looking at me, "E-Eren?" I asked. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. I lowered his eyelids over his eyes then lifted them. This time his eyes were rolled to the back of his head. All I could see was half of the green pupil. I closed his eyes again and sat on the bed next to him. I dragged his upper body onto my lap and I just stroked his face and hair. "What's wrong with you Eren?" I asked in a soothing voice. "Please answer me." I added. I could hear the trickle of raindrops falling outside on the ground. Was I really hearing the rain? My window was closed, so maybe I was hearing my tears fall on Eren's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you are all welcome to hate me


	5. Chapter 5

"Well I don't know who your doctors were the last time you were here but this kid doesn't have a concussion." A doctor said to me.

I sat at the hospital for two hours to make sure they completely evaluated him.

"Last time only nurses saw him." I barked loudly at the man. "His eyes were open as he was sleeping. What does that mean?" I yelled.

"Well you see when he hit his head he bruised a few parts of his brain. He had mood swings right? Did he seem like a different person?" The doctor asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"That's a sign of brain damage. Of course we have to wait for the results to come in. And um Eren is awake if you want to see him." He said. As soon as he finished, I went straight to Eren.

I opened the door quietly, and tried not to make too much noise as I walked over to him. He look up at me as soon as I got into range. "Daddy." He said with a smile.

I shook my head. "No, it's me."

"I know who you are, Levi." He said in a raspy tone.

I smiled back. "Eren, how are you feeling?" I asked.

His smile faded then so did mine. "I've lied to you... a lot. I feel really bad. I've deceived you. You should talk to my father." He said turning away from me. "Get out." He mumbled.

"Eren, I don't care about that rapist-"

"Rapist? You have no room to talk. When you were away at work Petra and I would talk." He said.

"Eren, I-I don't understand." I said. I took a step closer to him and he gave me a defensive look.

"GET OUT! ASK MY FATHER!" He shouted.

A doctor came in and escorted me out. In that moment I realized that Eren's true personality was the detached, don't-talk-to-me one, and all this time the facade had been his sweet side. Why?

I left the hospital confused to why he treated me that way. It was cold like winter outside.

I rushed to the jail where they were holding his father and I asked to speak with him. When he came out in his orange jumpsuit I smiled, looked nice on him. He sat down in front of me, looking at me with disgust, as if I was the criminal.

"So, you are the one who hurts Eren." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"Hm? I'm Grisha. Let me just tell you this, you've hurt my son a lot more than I hurt him." He said. It looked as if he couldn't even look at me.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not the one who rapes him and beats him." I said and along with my words I got a flashback of the previous night. What comes over me?

"I've never raped Eren. The only times I hit him, it was self defense." He roared at me. That loud voice that I usually heard roaring in the house next door was yelling at me now. His words didn't make sense.

"They swabbed your... DNA from Eren's privates the other day." I said. I threw it in his face.

"You sure it wasn't yours big guy?" Grisha said staring at me long and hard.

My eyebrows drew together. "What?" I asked quietly.

"I never raped Eren. Here, let me tell you something. Six years ago I killed my wife. It was an accident, but I killed her. I was so drunk, I drove us into the side of our last house. Eren blames me for her death, which he should, and he shoves me around, screams at me, throws tantrums, punches me, then he'll act self-destructive. When he met that little girlfriend of yours, she would give him speeches to try to calm him down. She would visit-" he began before he was cut off by and officer telling him he had two minutes to talk. "Your girlfriend tried to tell the boy to forgive me. She tried to help him and she became his only friend. When she left he would bother me less and hurt himself more. He walked around my room badmouthing her, He'd drink all the milk in the house after he did his little drugs. Cocaine. He never put any clothes on so I could see what he was doing to himself. Of course the average pervert peeking in on a teenager would automatically assume he was being abused by me. Most of his bruises and cuts were because of his own clumsiness. He came home one morning through the window and told me he had a relationship with an older man, he was trying to get me mad but I didn't care, I didn't care. He came here earlier today and told me everything about the two of you and how you were the disgusting rapist Petra said you were. How does that make you feel? Now you, without Eren's authorization, let them swab him. You see, you shouldn't hate my son. It wasn't his intention to get you locked up, he just wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to be in control, and choose to hurt himself with a person like you." Grisha said. He stood up and walked away.

It felt like knowledge just dropped on me in the form of a bowling ball. I sank down in my seat and I felt really cold. He had no reason to lie to me. All that time I thought I was saving Eren from an abuser, when the abuser was actually me. I took my time returning to the hospital and when I got there Eren was standing up with his regular clothes on. "So." He said with a smile. "Sorry I scared you. I'm sure my father told you I was a cocaine user. I'm sure he told you a bunch of other stuff too." He said. "That Erwin nurse guy came in here looking for you. He didn't seem to happy. Looks like the test results are in just in time for that court hearing." Eren said.

"court hearing." I repeated numbly.

"I don't think that was a good idea Levi. In the beginning this was never my intention, I was mad at Petra for leaving originally, then I really thought about it and the reason for her leaving was you. I'm sorry but I kind of wanted revenge. The sex could have been better." He said walking towards the door.

"Wait, so this entire time, you felt nothing? Has it all been a lie?" I asked.

"I told you a few times, I lie a lot." He said. He walked around me and out of the room.

"I'm sorry. As an adult, a psychiatrist, as a human I've failed whatever test this is. I've failed you. I thought I was rescuing you-"

"Hey don't be so hard on yourself. I'm partly responsible. It would have been better for you if you had never gotten involved." He said and I agreed.

I sat down on his bed and waited for Erwin.

"Levi." He said when he saw me sitting in Eren's dimly lit hospital room. "Eren and I talked. Also the results are in. You sick son of a bitch, you didn't love him. That doesn't matter now. Nothing will where you're going. Oh, I'll have to apologize for one thing though. I shouldn't have assumed his father was an abuser. He told me about how you forced him to call you daddy. That was clever." He said standing up. I didn't even deny that lie. "Come on." He said tugging on my arm and leading me out of the room, then out of the hospital.

I take Eren's father's place for ten years and that's where this story ends.

The day after I was arrested I learned of Connie's suicide and how he thanked me in his note. I told him not to do that. I told him that wasn't the point in that story.

Everyday I look out of the cold clammy cell to see the seasons because they are beautiful and because they remind me of the days I can never go back to. Did I actually love Eren? One thing is for sure, he didn't love me.

In winter when the trees are all dead and I'm shivering, when the snowflakes are falling to the ground, I think of Eren sitting on the rocking chair on his porch letting snowflakes fall into his palm. In fall I think of him in the rocking chair crunching leaves of every color. In Spring I think of him nostalgically sniffing, then stripping the petals from a flower. Summer... I'm sad in summer because I have no memories of us from that time.To this day I can't believe how I went from the bystander of alleged abuse, to the abuser. Had I done nothing at all but waved to him in the afternoon, we could have been the perfect neighbors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was an intense ride my friends. Sorry for most of that. Your welcome for the small amount of good parts but thanks so much for reading. Give me your thoughts. Tell me if theres something I forgot to tag.
> 
>  
> 
> special thanks to you creolereri because I knew from the begining you'd hate this but you hung in there!!!!!!!!  
> I love you so much pal! 
> 
>  
> 
> I love the rest of you too
> 
> (kills self)


End file.
